I STILL CAN'T, AND I DON'T KNOW WHY!!

BISMILLAHIRAHMANIRAHIM,

Assalammualaikum and a very good day everyone.

how are you? i wish you in a perfect condition of health.

Alhamdulillah, foundation year is on it's way to end.

there's only left a week before leaving UITM lendu that i cannot denied  i've loved so much..

this is the place i learned a lot of different things including human beings. I cannot object that i am looking forward for my degree year but at the same time , i am terrified.  After this whole journey, i am grateful that i have become a very strong young lady. This journey not only encouraged me to succeed in my life but also it thought me to become a very patient person. I learned to not easily trust people especially the guys. I learned that by choosing good people to be by your side, you will be secured. I learned that love is not everything.

BUT.

I still have not receive any answer from my question to somebody.

the question that i have asked from last June. When he suddenly vanished from my life.

He left the day after i register my foundation year during the first semester. He promised me a lot of things including visiting me at my college. I kept questioning myself, where is him? have i done something wrong to him?? i can understand if he decide to leave, but at least tell me why. I kept thinking is he dead? but still, people can always tell me . Somehow, he just left me with his promises. My problem is that, it is hard for me to move on from him. This is because, he doesn't do anything to me precisely. It's quite hurt knowing that he left just like that. I have no problem in moving on from anybody else, but i don't know why is it so hard to move on from him. Somehow, I have faith in him. A very stupid fact of mine is that, I am still waiting for him. How dumb is that.  The day he promises me to take me to meet his family is the starting of the trust in him. he left as if he's dead. There's no trace of him. No twitter account and facebook. No phone number. Wechat is offline since forever. OH, this is so frustrating. I just hope, if he is still alive, he could just kindly text me why he left and if he's not , just someone please tell me . It is torturing me to keep waiting for him blindly. This heart of mine is like being torn into pieces. OH GOD, this is so frustrating.

PLEASE MR ENGINEER, TEXT ME BACK

I"VE WAITED FOR YOU LIKE A YEARS .

Sedih? Penat? Sakit? Fisabilillah tetap fisabilillah.

Assalammualaikum warahmatullahhi wabarakatu.

how are you? I wish you pinkish of health.

 

Have you ever thought of quiting everything in your life? Study, relationship? You really want to shut people down. 

Fisabilillah.

Learning knowledge because of Allah s.w.t. 

Who ever thought that fisabilillah need you to be strong, independent and patient individual. who ever thought that fisabilillah is full of physically and mentally test?  

we are dissapointet and sad about life.

We are lost in the sea of people that ignored us. We want to die. We always forgot ( Allah turunkan ujian kerana sayangkan hambanya, ujian itu melambangkan betapa kuatnya kita)

Let people shut you down.  Let people annoy you. Let people unappreciate you.  Itu kan semua ujian yang Allah trunkan untuk mu. Tidak semua perkara di atas muka bumi ini adalah kebahagiaan. Biar orang menunding jari terhadap mu sedang Allah tahu.

Yakini dirimu kuat, kau hilang tempat mengadu. ALLAH KAN ADA.

P/s : biar hilang cinta & kasih sayang manusia tapi bukan kasih sayang Allah yang maha esa.

Kiddo Love .. Monkey Love

Assalammualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatu.
Hello Ladies and Gentleman,
How are you doing? Fine I guess.. Alhamdulillah 

I had just arrived from my aunts' house this evening.
travelling on the road by myself is such a boring and tiring journey.
but what good about it was I successfully made it . JOURNEY SUCCEED.
In addition , This journey was a great deal when I finally get to dine Fuel Shack that I've been craving for months. I am so grateful and happy.

Back to my title. 
Sometimes this thing bothered me. Is it important for the teenagers to have partners at their  young age and brag about the wrongdoings that they've done. I just don't get it. 
I just can't understand how the world of this so called love work right now.
Back then, when I was around the age of them, I didn't have the guts to date or even talk to the guys.
woah, world is changing rapidly,this worries me like a lot.

At that time, I just arrived at the bus station  inside this tiny town in Melaka.
I was currently resting myself at the seat after the long journey. Suddenly, there is bunch of school girls that sat behind my seat . They were so loud that turn me to feel dizzy.. I can accept that because I knew it was a public area. I get it that they felt so good about themselves for being form 4 or form 5 students, whatever. But... But it bothered me a lot when they started talking about the wrongdoings that they've done and what worst is that they are muslim . It hurts me a lot when they are being proud of the sins that they did. I didn't say that having relationship is wrong. They have the right to be in relationship but bragging about the sins that they've done are wrong. What had happen to muslim girls nowadays? I am embarresed. Too embarresed that I decide to move from my seat. My ears are burning and I just can't stand it anymore. 

What will happen to the muslim girls in the future?
Will it be worser?
This is totally the end of the world.

Nauzubillah.
(Ya rabb, protect me and everyone that I love especially my parents, and siblings from this fitna', Ameen)

Stand by your own two feet.. They left? persetankan.

Sometimes we have the idea that we are better than everyone else. Why is that?
IS it because of parents encouragement or lifestyle or you , yourselves is the reason for your life. 

Parents play a big role in children attitudes, action and emotions. Some kids blame their parents for everything.  Some of them hate their parents. But they did not realize that their attitude follow from their parents.. sedarla sikit diri tuuu.. 

Bangga diri , sombong , bongkak , bajet. 
is it the suitable action that you need to show the peoples around you? Is it necessary?
Some individuals tend to think that by acting that way everyone would eager to be by them. But we can see obviously that it will not last. PANDAI TAPI BODOH. that's it.

you are so fine in study but you are damn stupid in appreciating people around you and you like to point out your finger to someones else when it is your fault.. Jadah Bodoh ap ?

Do you ever experiencing best friend to this kind of people. Sabar sangat wehhh.

salah satu cara nak happy is to just walk away from this kind of **** .
they left you? Mampusla.. prove them, you can live without them..

Bangunla. Jangan jadi selenge sangat kawan2. Bukan selamanya kau akan bersamanya.

Aku? Aku dah malas nak fikir pasal org mcm ni. Jadah bodoh sombong sangat.
Move on la weyhhh..

Heartbreaks turn people to be heartless

Hi .. Assalammualaikum
Its me again.. haha .. yah, holiday has come to an end..
i am going back to university tomorrow . by bus. (yay me!!)

Back to my main topic..
What is the connection between heartbreaks and heartless?
sometimes people just don't get it . There is a connection between both of them.
 
GIRLS, to be precisely tend to get heartbreaks more than the guys 
since guys most of the time their roles are the heartbreaker. right?
It's not that i said guys never get heartbreaks but it is so rare because heartbreaks was mostly known when a guy dump a girl, or a guy reject the girl. Oops sorry guys. 

I was once a very desperate young woman (ahah!!) I tend to search for that special someone for like almost every single day , every single hour etc. To be honest, I had been in a lot of relationship that ends up in the trash. What sad about it , is that i tend to believe in all of the relationship and i am too confident until they dumped me. You know what happen when we put a lot of confident and trust into that someone and they dumped you , you will get heartbroken. TADA!! (serve me right!!) After thousands of failed relationships, I just can't find myself interested in this love and relationship thingy anymore. What worst is that, I just can't find where the heck I put my heart. It went missing for quite a while. I turned to be tired of this so call true love . I'm getting sick of it (I'm being serious,not kidding) . Do you know how it feel when you are no longer feel the touch feelings when someone express their feelings about you? to be honest , you  will feel so sick that you just want to walk away or run far far away from that person. yucks. Sometimes, at some reason i turn to sympathize the guy so i just act like i do care but i just don't. Do you know how it feels when you are hearing the song that once always make the type of person like you cried in the end turn you to switch off the radio or just change the channel because it makes you feel like throwing out? I experience it now . To be accurate every single day .Yes, I admit i don't feel flowery in my hearts anymore, or heart beating fast when i am nervous in front of any guy and what worst is that i stopped wearing make up to class (new improvement ,kan?) I admit I'm too heartless that i just can't help myself from being ignorant to the guys. These days, I'm happy with myself and my friends . Some girls thinks when they didn't have a boyfie they aren't cool. Who said that darlings?  You don't need people to make you cool .. I didn't expect to state this but being single and untouched (meaning feeling okay, jgn pkir bukan-bukan) is better than being in a hypocrite relationship that ends up to get dump, turn to be depressed, next cut hands and in the end suicide. So , be happy to be single even life is too damn boring sometimes.

Tips For the single Girls:
Being single doesn't mean the end of the world. You should be proud of your status because you are protected from this heart sick things and depressed. Thank god for that. Have fun with life. Go swimming with the girls, watch movies, read the glam novels, study , get higher education , work , get lots of cash and what important is SHOPPING! . If you happen to be new in the single circle and happened to watch romantic movies with your partner before it, a good step is to avoid watching romantic movies because you don't want to wet the chair Kan?

To the guys:
Sorry for mentioning about the heartbreaker things in the beginning. I know some of you are not a heartbreaker but most of the times girls are crying because of you, you should know that. Sometimes , I kept asking myself why you guys cheated on the girls in the first place? why do you even said that you love them when you knew that in the you will leave them?

For your information, my heart is officially closed and i don't even believe in true love anymore.
You must be super duper amazing to unlock this  broken heart of mine that turned to be heartless .

BYe.. 
Assalammualaikum :)

The Heart Change, People change But He's still there

Assalammualaikum Warahmatullahhiwabarakatu...

Alhamdulillah and praise to the Almighty God (ALLAH SWT) i had start my class this week.
everything was fine . I am fine. University life getting busier. HECTIC. that's the word.
More assignment that needed to be done. More and More events are coming. 

Have this matter crossed your mind
You are so sick of the environment that you are living in where people been treating you bad.
Your family are freaking far from you . The person that you always shared your happiness, sadness , excitement walked away from you and you lost? You tried to find the sources of  light that can lead you to a better place and environment but you failed. You felt like you lost everything was wrong. Everything that you did isn't right anymore. You hate everyone including yourself . Sometimes you felt like you gave up everything that you had. Love, Friendship .. You felt lost and curious ..

You forgot .
Everyone hearts change in time. Not everyone that tell you they love you will forever love you and care.
Peoples change. The same person that smiled and cried with you will never forever be with you. They may walk away and hate. You want to cry? Is it worth the cry? Are your tears worth it to be spilled on the floor for someone that you knew that will never ever care anymore? 

We are hurt.
We are in pain. 
We are lost. 
NO ONE CARES. 

WE tend to forgot
He is still there. watching.
every single second we lived under his love.
He still care.

 who is this HE? 
Our God .. 
(sujudlah kamu pada penciptamu yang mengenalimu lebih dari semua hambanya di dunia ini,
mengadulah padanya apabila kamu berduka lara, dia maha pendengar lagi maha mengasihani)

ALLAHHU AKBAR.

Boy Bestfriend

Assalammualaikum,
whaddup? haha bodo punya English (What's up)

Have you girls had a boy best friend before ?
once? twice? never?

I once when i was at the lower part of primary school, I am closer to the guy friends more than the girls because at that time I assumed that all the girls are overreacted. Padahal tak sedar diri kita sendiri ni pun girl jugak tuu.. HAHA.  I stop friending with the guys at the age of 10  but i cant recall why. Start at that point I only became friend to the girls (As if i had tons of friend, haha) Matter of fact the guys also didn't even show their interest in me (as a friend) so yeah..  to add on I am never a famous person during my school years even now in my university life . So yeah I'm the type of geeky and ugly haha .. I never thought that the guys can be best friends to the girls because in my opinion this kind of friendship will in the end turn into this so call love.

In my first semester as a foundation TESL student , I can say that i was abandoned by everyone except for my good friends. Back then, we always hope that we will further our studies with our best friends from our former high school right? Sayangnya , Me and my best buddies had been separated since we were form 4. so yeah, when i entered boarding school , my life getting miserable and people ignored me most of the time. At that time, I finally  learned to live with my own two feet. So start on that day onwards, I start not to care about people around me except for my family. There is one time when the closest teacher of mine said to me "when you enter your university life at that time, you will know who your real friend is, so don't bother about anyone just yet " he is definitely right. I left my boarding school life without remembering all the bitter memories of mine when i got stab by my own good friend and now I am totally relief that i am fine.

Back to the main topic.
Actually in my first semester of Foundation TESL , I got to know this one guy from different course.
We been hanging out like a lot of times, and we turned to be close friend. When he got a problem that he decide to share with me he will PM me same goes with me. We tend to wave to each  other when we bumped each other and people just don't understand. yeah, he's my best friend. Sometimes people said that girl friends are more trustworthy than guys but not me. I admit I had a very close Friend (a girl) she mean a lot to me. My meaning my other girl friends are not so trustworthy like him. So yeah, sometimes he was so alike my brother, sometimes a best friend and sometime like my own boyfriend. That is what i search in a best friend.

I tend to like him more and more every single day without him noticing it but sadly he has his own girl now, so as a good friend of him i can't ask more other than be happy for him .. kan..

P/S KALAU ada slah spelling ke ape.. fham2 jela eak.. malas nak cek...hahahahaha